Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
