I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
