apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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