Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
