I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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