I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
