Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
