I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
