Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
