And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
