fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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