just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
