It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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