I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
