Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
