He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
