i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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