sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
