So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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