I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
