I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
