nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
