watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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