a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
