Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
