so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
