I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
