before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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