Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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