You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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