He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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