Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
