He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my shit smells like andre
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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