So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
