Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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