He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
