ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
