Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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