My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
