FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
