I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
