$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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