I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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