my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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