She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
