***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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