That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You can't motorboat a personality
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
