We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
