oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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