My underwear smells like fireworks.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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