If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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