I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
