we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
