dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
