just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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